December 31, 2020

Around the sun

I’ve been dreadfully uninspired, despite having plenty of time to laze about, contemplate, and hit the keyboard. A bout of cabin fever—though an isolated cabin would be much more conducive to compartmentalized thought. The aforepromised deeper-dive will have to be pushed further into uncertainty.

For now, I’m caught with an hour left in this time zone’s slow creak of the fourth numeral. For a few years now, I’ve kept an elastic-bound black notebook containing among its miscellany a breakdown of small goals for the year to follow. Earlier this year, I wrote on self improvement in an effort to get intimate with whatever modest audience might find their way here. In continuation of this effort, I’ll share with you my threefold constitution for 2021:

  • Learn and apply something technical
  • Contribute 250 words per day toward a singular work
  • Meditate for 1 minute per day minimum

The deeper I tumble into both career and hobby, the more I’ve come to realize what I’m doing has been figured out along the way rather than studied and applied. Not sure whether this is an okay application of my ability to adapt or a bold waste of what could be honed execution of tasks—and far more full-bodied results. Either way, time spent is time spent and it’s up to the dissatisfied wedge in my mind muffin to try to apply more strategy and practice in my daily pursuits.

The second goal is a cheat off last year’s mantra to focus more on my book”. It’s a more disciplined refinement that should inspire a modicum of guilt much like that which drives me to the dumbbells on alternate days of the week. I’m scared of the publishing process and of being lost in a sea of internet sludge. Trapped in a lost format fewer folks appreciate. But then why have I chosen to do it at all? For the same reason I’ve chosen to do anything else—it’s a true challenge. Can’t buy a byline.1

Meditation is something I was introduced to in college and was fervently dedicated to during hour-long weekly sessions. Made me feel powerful. Alive. And not in the fake-ass way it’s advertised to you. You don’t need an app to meditate and should never pay a dime to do it.2 I fell off the track and miss meditation. There are no excuses really. I’m getting back on with an impossible-to-evade one minute dose that’s sixty times smaller than what I use to take. An action that’s more about self discipline than immediate impact. Do it to do it. Prove to yourself you can.

And that’s what I have for you. My last words of 2020. I’m sad to let go of its symmetry. It’s a fantastic number to look at. Its fantasticality ends there. Au revoir, friend.

Tom


  1. You can but you’re shit. Like buying a plane ticket to the tip of Everest.↩︎

  2. Unless you buy a song bowl. That’s a one-off that sounds simply beautiful. Well worth it. Pavlov yourself.↩︎


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A glimpse at Orville Wednesday night with a bowl of cereal, an empty chair, and a twitching violet light. The seal on the fridge won’t shut and a crack of cold white